Conflicted and confused

As I complete my final weeks here in Shanghai I cannot help, but to feel conflicted and confused. A lot has changed and I do not have a concrete reason to return to California just yet. My ultimate reasons for staying in China are to learn Chinese and not being ready to return home.

The benefits of knowing Chinese are undeniable. They might not have immediate benefits when I return home, but they will provide me with job security because I will be able to communicate in a language of an economy that will soon be the largest consumer in the world. However, there are other moments where I do not care about speaking Chinese. I want to just return home and find a job. To add to the stress I must be able to earn enough money here in Shanghai to be able to live and pay my student loans. I am sure it is more than possible, but I wish to be prudent rather than foolish.

Another option for learning Chinese it to take an intensive coarse for two semesters. I found one that is 30 hours per week and another is 36 hours per week. They cost 28,000 RMB and 30,000RMB (little less than $5,000) per year. I do not know where I am going to get this money and I would still have to be able to provide for my living. I have some money saved up, but I will fall short somewhere. I do not want to work if I am going to take 36 hours of class a week. That is a lot of studying! 

I have much to think about in the last five weeks of my stay here in Shanghai. I am going to speak to Jin Cai tomorrow and see what positions they have left. I may continue to work and do tutoring on the side. I could use that as supplemental income.

Forgive my jumbled ramblings. This is not a lot to think about, but I must consider how it will affect my future and THAT is very daunting.

Only time will tell!