Sunday, September 25, 2011
A Chinese Jew!
I could be the only person who that this was funny. He had very curly hair that looked natural. If you are offended there are people who care and will listen. However, I am not one of those people.
Have a pleasant day!
Sh¡ts and g¡ggles
Since the last post involved dealing with untimely situations, I decided that I should divulge a tragic event that I experienced in Shenzhen.
I was eating at a Chinese restaurant and I was engorged from the ridiculous amounts of food I ate.After awhile I noticed my stomach was tingling. I had a momentary panic attack in the restaurant because I had just recovered from my monthly blast off of 拉肚子 (Lādùzi). I also detest the idea of using a public restroom. The tingling decided that it was going to kick it up a notch from tropical depression to a category three hurricane.
At this point I decided to excuse myself from the table and go to the restroom. The restroom was located on the second story. I was completely relieved because it was after lunch time and no one was eating on the second level. That happiness was short lived as I discovered the toilets were squatters. I quickly got over this because that brewing category three was pushing its way to a category four. Just when I thought the end was in sight I realized there was no toilet paper. Of all the times I have used a public restroom why did this have to be the time there was no toilet paper? By this time Hurricane Katrina was making landfall and there was not much more I could so, so I took my place over the throne and popped a squat. Levees broke, gale force winds were ablowin', and sewage was floating everywhere. On a lighter note...I felt...lighter!
Oh! You want to know what I did to wipe, right? Well, I remained squatted for a few minutes longer because I had no idea what to do next. The only thing I knew was that someone up in the sky hated me by creating such a perfect storm or my problem solving creativity was being tested for Olympic caliber.
Stepping out of the doorless stall I walked into the upstairs dininer area hoping there would be napkins. Again, someone hated me because there was not even a shrivel of paper available. Then, I look to my left and I see two rags used for cleaning tables. I cringed a bit and then I thought about the horrid things my buns were about to introduce to these rags.
I wiped with the first rag and realized I was not being efficient. Who in the world would ever have to think about efficiently using a rag to wipe their tush? I decided that the rag had enough smattering of intestinal after birth. I now implemented the wipe, wipe, rinse method. After a few moments of my new and improved method for wiping the tush and praying no one would com into the bathroom, I was finally done.
I think I spent 15 - 20 minutes in the bathroom. I sincerely hope everyone has an experience just like this. Every moment was just as colorful, if not more, as I have described.
I hope this brings new meaning to the expression, 'shits and giggles.'
I was eating at a Chinese restaurant and I was engorged from the ridiculous amounts of food I ate.After awhile I noticed my stomach was tingling. I had a momentary panic attack in the restaurant because I had just recovered from my monthly blast off of 拉肚子 (Lādùzi). I also detest the idea of using a public restroom. The tingling decided that it was going to kick it up a notch from tropical depression to a category three hurricane.
At this point I decided to excuse myself from the table and go to the restroom. The restroom was located on the second story. I was completely relieved because it was after lunch time and no one was eating on the second level. That happiness was short lived as I discovered the toilets were squatters. I quickly got over this because that brewing category three was pushing its way to a category four. Just when I thought the end was in sight I realized there was no toilet paper. Of all the times I have used a public restroom why did this have to be the time there was no toilet paper? By this time Hurricane Katrina was making landfall and there was not much more I could so, so I took my place over the throne and popped a squat. Levees broke, gale force winds were ablowin', and sewage was floating everywhere. On a lighter note...I felt...lighter!
Oh! You want to know what I did to wipe, right? Well, I remained squatted for a few minutes longer because I had no idea what to do next. The only thing I knew was that someone up in the sky hated me by creating such a perfect storm or my problem solving creativity was being tested for Olympic caliber.
Stepping out of the doorless stall I walked into the upstairs dininer area hoping there would be napkins. Again, someone hated me because there was not even a shrivel of paper available. Then, I look to my left and I see two rags used for cleaning tables. I cringed a bit and then I thought about the horrid things my buns were about to introduce to these rags.
I wiped with the first rag and realized I was not being efficient. Who in the world would ever have to think about efficiently using a rag to wipe their tush? I decided that the rag had enough smattering of intestinal after birth. I now implemented the wipe, wipe, rinse method. After a few moments of my new and improved method for wiping the tush and praying no one would com into the bathroom, I was finally done.
I think I spent 15 - 20 minutes in the bathroom. I sincerely hope everyone has an experience just like this. Every moment was just as colorful, if not more, as I have described.
I hope this brings new meaning to the expression, 'shits and giggles.'
Clean that sh*t up!
What to do when you have a serious case of 拉肚子 (Lādùzi), or diarrhea, the person who visited the stall before seems to have suffered the same gastrointestinal fate, and left behind a smudged present on the toilet lid? Well, I will tell you! First, you use #1 to rinse off #2. Then, you get a wad of toilet paper and wipe away any remaining yummies that do not suit your taste. You are now clear for landing.
This may seem a bit crazy and unhygienic, but never question what you will do in order to handle business (in the broad sense of the word).
This may seem a bit crazy and unhygienic, but never question what you will do in order to handle business (in the broad sense of the word).
Religion in China
This was originally written August 16, 2011.
The other night I had a discussion about religion. I found it interesting because the guys I was speaking with said many people in China are inclined to do 'bad things' or pursue immoral behavior because there is no religion. I asked them for examples and they mentioned a case from 2008 when powder baby formula for babies caused babies to fall ill in China. Some babies died as a result. They feel that if there was a sense of morality in China, then situations like this would not occur. This is just one case and I am sure there are many more.
I mentioned to them that many countries have killed and persecuted in the name of religion. I also mentioned the idea of reinstilling Buddhist and Confucian values into Chinese society since much of this was wiped clean from the Chinese psyche after 1949.
I found this little topic interesting and I will have to think about it more. For my religious readers, namely Christians, this does not mean that you have found one more place for you to proselytize and irritate the masses one door knock at a time in the name of your perceived truth through Jesus H. Christ.
More to come on this topic. One of the guys gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. One more contact in the Rolodex.
The other night I had a discussion about religion. I found it interesting because the guys I was speaking with said many people in China are inclined to do 'bad things' or pursue immoral behavior because there is no religion. I asked them for examples and they mentioned a case from 2008 when powder baby formula for babies caused babies to fall ill in China. Some babies died as a result. They feel that if there was a sense of morality in China, then situations like this would not occur. This is just one case and I am sure there are many more.
I mentioned to them that many countries have killed and persecuted in the name of religion. I also mentioned the idea of reinstilling Buddhist and Confucian values into Chinese society since much of this was wiped clean from the Chinese psyche after 1949.
I found this little topic interesting and I will have to think about it more. For my religious readers, namely Christians, this does not mean that you have found one more place for you to proselytize and irritate the masses one door knock at a time in the name of your perceived truth through Jesus H. Christ.
More to come on this topic. One of the guys gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. One more contact in the Rolodex.
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