Culture shock and so much more

I have now been in Shanghai, China for 2 months. I am at a point of the culture shock/adjustment cycle where I tend to hate more cultural differences than I am able to appreciate them. China contains such a fascinating culture, but there are some things that are driving me up the wall. While I experience the many similarities and differences between China and the United States I cannot help but to enter into a contemplative mood. This is not limited to just topics concerning China. I have also been wondering where I will be in a year and beyond.

There are many options available to me. I know I could do all of them if I choose, but the consequences are what I fear the most. As of right now I see three distinct possibilities that I could and would like to pursue after my time is completed with MAIS and Jin Cai. The first of the options is to stay in China. One of my goals is to learn Chinese and utilize this asset in my future. I would stay in Shanghai or another city in China for an additional year or two. I am not sure if I would continue teaching or if I would try to find an internship with some type of business. Ideally, I would like to work for a finance company. The other idea is to find a Chinese language program at one of the universities and devote the majority of my time to learning the language free of work obligations. If I decide to take this route it is unquestionably an intelligent move for the future of whatever career I choose.

The second idea I have is to return to California and find a job. As of right now this seems to be my favorite, but that is only because I am hating China at the moment. I know these sentiments will pass in the next few months. If and when I return to California, life will return as I left it with just a few changes. Obviously, I will have completed my MBA and MAIS final projects, but I do not know where I will work. The job market in California is dismal and I know that I will be angry with myself if I do decide to come back and I cannot find a job.  I had thought about moving to another state that might be more promising for finding an entry level position. Although, I am not sure if I am eager to go through culture shock again by moving to a new state. My two largest fears of returning to California is that I will not be able to find a job and that I will return to an ho-hum lifestyle. While my life in Shanghai greatly resembles how I lived back home with work and school, I am not eager to return to this situation. I know that I could only be happy with this for a short period of time and the routine will bore me. The major advantage of returning to California is being near home and family. I feel as though returning home would be giving into the monotony of a "typical" life and this weird pursuit of happiness by having a job, a loved one, and a cute pet or family.

The last idea is to move to Israel. As of right now Israel has a more stable job market and their financial sector is more stable than that of the United States. Due to Israel's more conservative financial practices they have weathered the global economic meltdown almost unscathed. I loved my time when I visited last January and I continually think about returning. I think the only other place/time that has made me feel warm on the inside was coming home from Alabama. Despite the political issues that exist there it is a beautiful country that reminds me very much of California. The people are warm and the history everyone carries with them is amazing! There is so much potential in the country and I would rather be a part of it than not to be there at all. The goal would be to live on a kibbutz for 6 months or more and take the time to complete my thesis, work, and learn Hebrew. Once I complete that I can either continue to study the language or if I feel I am fluent enough then I can look for a job that can adequately pay bills.

While having a job is the most important thing I need to keep in mind, I do not want to be limited by only worrying about where I work. For me, I feel that my success is measured by the goals I set and my ability to accomplish them. There is a part of me that wants to return to California and find an "ok" job with growth potential and live the typical LA life somewhere in West Los Angeles. I can see myself in a nice one bedroom apartment or maybe a trendy loft. And if you were wondering, the answer is "yes!" This is a very cliche, yet very attainable goal of mine. The other side of me would not mind living a peasant-like life being some kind of worker. Maybe I will have a farm where I grow tilapia and raise goats...moral of the story is that as long as I can achieve something that I do not see as typical or usual then I will be happy. I do not want to feel like I did before I came to China. All I did was work and go to school and then wake up to do it all over again. That was one phase of my life to set up the rest, but I have no desire to return to such a boring life. Life is about experiences and I want to take advantage of that fact.

I have been thinking about all of this very much. I even prayed and meditated about all of it. I do not want to sound like the whiney school girl and cry out, "help, I don't know what to do!" Because, in fact, I do know what to do. I know that I have the support, intelligence, and mental fortitude to pursue anything I would like. Rather, I am more afraid of the consequences, good and bad, when I do decide to take the leap toward my dreams. Surely everyone must ask if they have a purpose. Maybe everyone has a specific reason for existing, but I have never felt constrained by any cosmic force. If I want it, then I get it. This is oversimplified, but this is something I firmly believe. I never need to look outside of myself for strength or vision. No matter how much I pray, meditate, or have moments in nature for clarity, my answer seems to always be the same. All I need to do is leap because I will always have what I need to achieve what I want. Even more than looking for a trendy and chic lifestyle, I want to have a life of experiences.

I guess for now I will try to limit the brain activity. There are times when my mind can be my own worst enemy. I will cross those bridges when the time comes.